life lately

i do not how to start one of these and make it sound good and catchy .. so i'm just gonna start talking .. ok. .. if i could describe my life lately with one word i think it would be 'wandering'. Not that i mean i have no idea where my place is, more that my mind is jumping in so many different directions. this is a good thing and a not so good thing. i am a natural day dreamer so it's not out of the ordinary to find myself thinking about something while doing something else. in fact i enjoy my dreamy-ness. i don't think i'd be such a devoted writer if i wasn't. i often find myself thinking about that one line from that one song that, at the moment, speaks volumes to me, and even how it has unconsciously forced me to think of how it relates to me and what i've experienced. if you are ever so interested, this song is easily from ellie goulding's halcyon album or wolf gang's suego faults records or (almost always) coldplay. i find it funny how music tends to be the only thing that seems to ever understand. like it was written exactly for me to help me through whatever it is i am struggling with. in fact, taylor swift's fearless and speak now albums were that for me in high school. i enjoy music and other things most when they make me feel something and make me feel it deeply. maybe that's why i obsessively day dream about writing. because a story is always better and more meaningful when it makes you feel strongly in a certain way. christopher nolan is that way for me. my favorite moments in the dark knight, inception, and the dark knight rises are when batman and cobb face their darkest hour and everything is all sad and gloomy. and for the longest time i could never figure out why i enjoyed those moments above all others. maybe because these characters in these stories acquired something i didn't. they possessed a level of hurt and pain caused from some sort of heartbreak. i had no idea what it was like to feel what they did. that was until my grandmother passed away and then i truly understood what it meant to loose someone i loved. and then i felt relatable to these fictional characters. strangely enough, i learned about myself from them. i learned that i am drawn to these sad moments because it is when an individual is facing their darkest hour that their strongest moments become reality. if there's anything of value that i have learned in this life, it is how miraculous an individual's strength becomes after they face something truly heartbreaking. it's funny how strong you learn you are when being strong is the only option you have. and i think that's why i love christopher nolan's work so much. seeing how strong a person can stand after feeling completely defeated, it's quite inspiring i think. .. strange how my wandering mind can take me this deep into a topic. .. blehh anyways .. i enjoy my wandering especially at this point in my life. i have the freedom to do and be whatever i choose. and that is something to be thankful for. my meandering thoughts have taken me places i don't think i could of imagined a few years back. and my hope is that my passion-driven brain will bring me to even better places. there far better things ahead than anything we leave behind, right? .. but of course there is such a downside to this mind of mine. i have been struggling lately trying to stay focused on each day at a time. because i know what i want to do and how i need to do it, i feel very wasteful and insufficient facing moments, days, even weeks when there is not much that i can contribute to. it is hard for me to live one day at a time without wondering about the future and thinking about the past. patience, patience, patience .. this will be the death of me.

oh i went to see wolf gang in concert this past weekend and had the best time. there music is very dream-like to me .. i love it so much.
xx